Avoid It: Awkward Hugging

A friend of mine has started dating and apparently "the hug" is the socially acceptable way to end dates when it's too early for liplock and you like the person enough not to shake their hand.

The problem is, my friend's not a hugger. Her previous hug attempts have been awkward. I mean, dropping a guy off post-date so he can commute home already reeks of awkwardness. Throw in a hug from an awkward hugger and we're living in a bad sitcom.

As a prolific hugger (I give 'em away like samples at the farmer's market, people, don't think you're special), I wanted to offer her, and any other awkward huggers out there, some advice:

1. Missionary is Best. Chest to chest. Don't make me hug your bony shoulder. Especially if it hits me right in the sternum. Also, don't rear your head back. Feel free to get head-on-head contact. Close your eyes. Go crazy.

2. Don't Finish Early. The hug isn't going on nearly as long as you think it is. Give yourselves the opportunity to sink in. TAKE A BREATH. Count to three one-thousand in your head. Five one-thousand if you're feeling fesity.

3. NO PETTING! Hugging has no foreplay. Do *not* pet the person on the back. I can't emphasize this enough. The second you pat someone's back, the hug has gone south.

4. No sweetalk. No talkie during huggy time. Huggy during huggie time, you feel me?

5. Location, Location. Don't hug inside a vehicle for a first-time hug. You should both be OUT of the vehicle. Standing. (There *is* a way to hug in a car but this is advanced hugging and not for naturally awkward huggers.)

Now that you have the rules, feel free to practice. You have friends for a reason. And unlike with kissing and sex, praticing hugs on your friends doesn't lead to awkward eye-avoidance the next day.

Now Go Forth! Get Your Hug On!