Do It: Ignore "Professional" Advice
Oprah.com featured a (hopefully unintentionally) sexist article on the University of Utah's Lisa Diamond's fight study.
On the surface, the study seems hilarious. Get a couple in the room. Tell them to talk about what they find annoying in the other person. Monitor away!
The results?
A classic "demand-withdrawal" pattern.
In which the woman "makes demands" and the man "pulls away" in order to calm himself thereby making the woman angrier and resulting in physiological stress symptoms.
Yeah, yeah, my relationship rolls like this, too.
The advice? If you're "demanding" (read, offensively, as: lacking male genitalia) then calm down, close your eyes, and come back...get this...with a smile.
Yes, yes, I know that really "winning" means keeping a happy relationship and it's pointless to win an argument and lose the war and blah blah blah but for the love of @#$#@$@$#@.
Can we dole out an action-plan for the man on this? Can the dude step up? This very article also references the cornucopia of epidemiological studies that show marriage traditionally benefits men over women because women do more of the work and heavy emotional lifting AND THEN YOU GIVE US MORE HEAVY LIFTING????
Yes, this is me angry. Yes, my heart rate is elevated. And no, I'm not going to walk away and come back with a smile.
Labels: WildCard
posted by Martha Flynn @ 10:32 AM
5 Comments:
I hear you. I'll start smiling when he starts talking.
Awww, hugz. This is the first time I've heard that, if it makes you feel any better - and I've been in a LOT of therapy.
~Alie
ugh, another finger pointed at the woman for being the heavy lifter while the man just sits there. so over it!
Given that women out live men, I think Science has not yet discovered why it is beneficial for women to marry men. It may not have much to do with length of life, but rather quality of life or other factors or combinations of factors. I also think men and women argue for different reasons. Although it often seems quite the opposite to a man, I think women argue to achieve an acceptable compromise, while I think men argue to achieve victory or defeat (failure). Withdrawing from a battle not worth fighting, that is, not worth winning makes sense to a man. Live to fight another day, hopefully a meaningful fight. To women this is a refusal to participate in achieving a compromise.
I shall now withdraw, hoping this Blog will improve in the future, so I will know why I first bookmarked this Blog. I choose to fight another day, in hopes of finding a meaningful fight in the future. As Adam replied to God when asked, "What do you call this creature, the female?", "Woe-man!" To which man has lived in woe, ever since. Woe-man!!!
interesting. Last two posts are about faking happiness/smile. I guess faking happiness causes a smile on your face, which reduces confrontation with the man, thus we live longer?
I hate it when things make sense.
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