ReWrite It: Twilight
A blog feature, inspired by my friend Rappin's question: "Could you have written XYZ better?" and my firm opinion: "No, the only novel I can write best is my own."
But I figured it would be fun to try.
So, without further ado - if I had written Twilight...
Bella: Hell no, I'm not moving to Forks - come on, mom! Be the parent!
Mom: Get your ass to Forks, Bella.
Bella: This sucks.
Edward: Oh damn she smells yummy...crap I can't...Carlisle would be pissed.
Bella: What's your problem, douchebag?
Edward: I just can't...ah hell...
(Edwards attacks and kills Bella.)
See - totally couldn't have written that awesome story because:
1. I don't like to write sacrificial female characters, and Bella sacrifices for her loved ones.
2. I've been hella hungry and enticed by yummy smells - and there's just no resisting it.
3. I like it when my characters fail
Kudos to Stephenie Meyer who can't be beat for romantic, suspenseful, addicting prose.
Labels: ReWrite
posted by Martha Flynn @ 10:17 PM
10 Comments:
OMG, I love this! I have to say, I prefer the Bella in your version :-)
Hilarious. I would add "And Edward's brothers and sisters looked on, shaking their heads. They knew that they would be implicated and wondered where else but Forks Carlisle's medical degree from 1672 could land him such a cush job. Then they decided they didn't care because they're sparkly vampires. The end." There's just something so heartbreaking and poetic about that. It's like real life, ya know?
LMAO. Nice.
BTW, I actually thought of a YA issue that I wanted you to write about. Seriously, I think it's genius. I'll email it to you now while I randomly remember it.
HAHAHA! i feel like edward has to say somethign really cheesy before he devours bella. "i eat you, spider monkey wannabe"
LOL JD - man, that spidermonkey line in the movie annoyed me so much when the book had plenty of lines that they skipped over!
Also Whitney - I should have mentioned Edward would have been an only child in my version because I'm so lazy about including sibling relations. But I like yours, too!
Susan - lol, thanks!
Alie - dude, YOU can write that book, too!
Halarious! I love your version.
Hahaha! Seeing as Edward eats Bella right away, I take it your version of the book would have been waaaaaay shorter ;)
Not having read the book or seen the movie, I would suggest rewriting it as a Dramady or however you spell the combination of drama and comedy. I am sure there must be many potential hilarious episodes in such a book, if only one puts ones mind to it. Surprised I have not heard of anyone doing that, like Saturday Night Live or someone else. Oh well, maybe I missed it.
Martha, you write the best books!!!! I LOVE your version, and see your point about a vampire not being able to resist that sweet smell. I'll buy any book by you:))))
BWAHAHAHA...that was hilarious!
As 'sweet' as her smell is to him, did you notice in the movie how he looked like he wanted to puke when she walked by the fan in the classroom?
Yep, I think your version is better. *Might* not make as much $$....but, you've got some loyal fans. :-)
-Stephanie
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